I need to make some adjustments to my life. Change is good. Evolution is necessary.
Here’s the truth…
I have fallen out of love with the social media world. I have not fallen out of love with small businesses or the online world. But I don’t want social media coaching and consultation to be my whole life.
I want to write. I want to blog. And God… I want to find more balance in my life.
So I’ve made a decision.
I cannot continue to live the way that I am living. Stress is affecting every area of my life and body. Anxiety is creeping back in. I’m skipping workouts. I’m skipping yoga. I am feeling overwhelmed and every simple decision is becoming too difficult to handle. Over the summer, I toyed with taking August off – “I just need a real break” kept flashing through my mind and then work would come in or clients would request something and I would just jump on it. I stressed when out enjoying the day with visitors. I woke up early to get sh*t done. I smashed out client work from 6-9am. I lived on coffee to get me through. I dropped self care and writing – the two most important parts of my life that keep me balanced. I “got away with it” because it was summer and everyone was out having fun and weren’t quite on board. They were half checked out themselves.
And then September hit and that back to school mentality came back and the hustle express kicked into high gear and I just thought “No”.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
So I made a decision.
I’m getting off the train.
It was going high speed to nowhere anyway. And probably on track to crash. And nobody wants that.
But what does this mean?
Well, I’ve realised that having two different social media “personalities” simultaneously does NOT work for me. I’m half in one, half in the other and never fully present everywhere. That wasn’t working. I’ve rejected this idea for a really long time, but… I realised that I have to choose. I have to just be me – one person, uniquely me. So I made the decision. I am a writer. I am a blogger. It is what I wake up thinking about every morning and the last thing I think about at night. It’s what I miss when I’m not doing it (which is way too often these days). It’s time to let it out. It’s time to make it the number one focus in my life. It’s time to build my dream – which is to spend my days writing.
Now this is all well and good, I hear you say, but tell me, Stefanie – how do you plan on paying for things – with passion and air, perhaps? Well, admittedly the life of a writer, a creative, a pained and tortured artist doesn’t appeal. Although, I do identify slightly with that. I get it. I’ve paid many dues. I’ve been 22 years old, working on an unpaid internship for £50/week and sleeping on my friend’s couch. I’ve borrowed money from my mum to pay my rent before the days that people were willing to pay for social media management. Well, I’m 32 now and I’m not planning on ever going back there, so I do have a plan, of sorts. I have a couple of clients I love and who I truly identify with. I am not giving up my clients. I am committed to them. And I am sure that I can continue to be committed to them AND spend a lot more time on my blog.
But, wait – then WHAT am I giving up?
I’m giving up the hustle. I’m giving up the need to be a “social media guru”. I don’t want to build an online empire about social media coaching. I want to build an online empire around myself and what a truly love, which is storytelling, seeing the world, sharing my thoughts and wait for it… being me. I wrote in my morning pages the other day that that I was stepping into my authentic self. (Puke I know, but I really felt it at the time so I’m just going to own it ok?!)
I’m not sure why I’m telling you this. These words just fell out of me on to the page. I am not sure what happens from here. Or what you can expect me but it should be more blog posts, more of that live.eat.travel.write content and more content from my heart – just essentially more of that stuff that I couldn’t stop thinking about.
I’ve stepped off the train. But I’m on a different journey. And I hope that you’ll join me on it.